About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
