toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
