I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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