Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We just shotgunned beers for America
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
