Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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