I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
