wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
