I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
