last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
