I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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