if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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