This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
