Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
