at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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