I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
