update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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