New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
