I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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