At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
