are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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