Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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