Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
