it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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