as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
