Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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