Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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