He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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