i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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