I wish I could teleport
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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