Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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