I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
