Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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