I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
