...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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