you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
