god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
