My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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