My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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