I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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