i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
