I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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