it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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