I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your cock deserves a montage
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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