One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am mentally ready for anal.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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