was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
