Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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