That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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