You can't special order awesome
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
