dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
