I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
