at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
