so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
