Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize