i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
