I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
