I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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