Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
