I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize