Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
