So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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