I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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