obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
