she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
