He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
